Cancer

Cancer, a word i never thought would enter my life, but it did.

The word cancer holds so much pain and hatred for me, but through all the pain cancer has caused it also holds a deeper meaning. A meaning that goes beyond anything i ever imagined it to.

From a young age i heard this word float around in conversations my parents would have, i never knew what it meant but i knew it was bad. I grew up but somehow this word was able to mould itself into my life, our lives… And when it finally let go, it came back.

Finding out my mom had cancer for a second time was one of the most devastating and heart wrenching days of my life. Cancer, had struck once again and this time it was there to stay and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Even though i knew deep down on the months leading up to my moms second diagnosis that it wasn’t good, i held out hope that everything was fine.

The months after my moms diagnosis were unfamiliar to me, the world still moved forward and so did we. I knew my mom had cancer but i chose to push the end outcome out of my mind, i never truly believed the outcome would be what it was. Nothing could ever prepare me for the day she would no longer be here, but that day came and the harsh truth is you still have to live and breath every waking moment of it, the world doesn’t stop.

Through all the pain and hurt that cancer has brought, it’s taught me things i never knew were possible.

Watching my mother courageously live for the rest of us and putting on a brave face everyday to shield our pain despite the physical and emotional pain she was going through, taught me that there is no end to how strong and courageous a person can be.

I learnt how precious and unpredictable life can be, You truly never know whats going to happen. I  learnt how to live without fear, to love and do the things i want to do. Facing life fearlessly like there is nothing you can’t do.

I learnt that i am not alone…

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

 

 

15 thoughts on “Cancer

  1. Upon reading your well expressed piece, my heart ached alongside yours Kirsty.

    Philip Yancey stated; “Grief, is the condition where Love and Pain coexist”… I certainly have found this to be True.

    I also have realized that “Grief” will never really go away… but it does become less “outstanding” as we stop fighting it and learn to welcome it into our lives and live with it.

    Keep expressing your heart, keep breathing, keep loving.

    All is as it should be. ❤️

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  2. This is incredibly moving Kirsty. As I read it I had tears for you. I understood every word that you said, from deepwithin me. I see you have Followed my Blog, so you may realise that I had cancer. Well, I am not cured. But I write about it sometimes. I too have learned so much from it. I would not have not had it, if you see what I mean. I will read more of you Mursty. I am so very sorry about your mother. I don’t know what to say. Just God bless you. Thankyou for writing this. Xx

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      1. Thankyou so much Kirsty. And you too are courageous. I have read a few of your posts, and you have gone through so much. Xxxx

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  3. I am sure your mother would be so proud of you… A very moving post. You are right. Life is unpredictable so all we can do is live it as best we can. Well done for being brave and sharing your vulnerabilities, lessons, strength and love. xx

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  4. I am so sorry, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must have been to hear your mum had cancer the first time, let alone a second time. Your mum sounds like an incredible lady, a true warrior and trooper to keep going, to protect her family fiercely, and to keep fighting despite how sick she was. It shows your own courage and resilience of soul that you can see the lessons such an evil diagnosis can bring, and you’re absolutely right, it shows how precious and unpredictable life is. You’re not alone, and I think your mum will be incredibly proud for how you’ve dealt with such difficult times and come through with such compassion and strength  ♥
    Caz xx

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    1. Thank you so much, she truly was an Inspiration. I hope this post can help those going through a similar situation to know they’re not alone and everything they feel is completely normal. Thank you so much for your kind words It truly means alot to me ❤ xx

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  5. I read some of your posts about your mum with much sympathy. My daughter lost her husband to cancer three years ago, and she herself had a cancer diagnosis shortly after – after long treatment she’s ok. So I understand something of your grief. You’re right – it’ll never go. But you will experience joy again, and your mother, I’m sure, would want you to.

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