Hi me, it’s me from the future… we’re still here.
You’re probably obsessing over how you look right now, I know its hard but you’ll make it… you’ll still struggle, even the future you still struggles but it gets better and guess what? Losing weight and putting on makeup isn’t going to solve your problems, I know you want to be perfect but that’s unrealistic, you’ll lose that weight and still be unhappy…
Some advice for you, the next few years are going to be hard, you’ll deal with things you never thought possible but please, please be kinder to yourself. Those scars on your arms won’t eliminate how you feel, you’ll only look back at them wishing you was kinder to yourself. Those hospital trips, will become a bad memory engraved in your brain, you’ll wish you never wasted those hours, days or nights. Instead you’ll wish you had spent those missed moments with your mother, appreciating the life you have. I know you don’t see it now, but you will.
There’s going to be a time in your life where you’re stripped of all your dignity, touched by another. You’re going to be okay. Don’t be scared, speak up… you’re not alone.
Those times people spent putting you down, they are just a distant memory now. It will get better.
There will be a time in your life where you chase evil and you follow the foot steps of those around you. Be you and stick with your instincts, its only going to end bad. There will be a time where you’re too afraid to leave your house and when you do you get hurt mentally and physically, but please know your going to be okay, let go of those around you who influence you wrongly.
You’ll overcome all of this and you’ll have to overcome much more.
You’ll read a message between your parents, that reads bad news. Your dad has cancer, I know it’s scary but you’ll get through it and most of all he will get through it.
You’ll find ways of coping with this, ways only we know are not good for you. Food looks scary now, you want to feel empty to fill the void of your heartache. It won’t help, you still wont be happy and from me to you, I ask you let go of this mindset, it will only follow you.
You’ll lose people you love and you will no longer want to go to school, but you’ll make it… you will fight for those grades and you’ll be rewarded.
There will be a moment after getting your GCSE results, that you need to hold onto, grasp every moment of it while you still can. You’ll go shopping with your mother as a reward, only then you don’t know the reality that’s awaiting you, you knows she’s Ill but you ignore the end outcome, so please for future you, cherish those moments.
You’ve come so far but theres another journey you’ll be faced with, one journey you wished you’d never have to face. It’s going to be difficult and future you is still on this journey… future you is still struggling, I know you miss her I do to but i ask you be kinder to yourself and on those days you wished you was no longer here, know she is with you… every step of the way.
You’ll go to college and against all odds you’ll get through it. Despite, everything you’re going through now. You do it for your mom and although she wasn’t there to watch you finish, she’s proud.
You’ve been struggling lately but that’s okay … you’re human and if you can make it this far, you can make it much further.
This is a message to my younger self, myself now and those who may read this… believe in yourself, you are stronger than you know.
We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.