I’ve been holding onto hope that everything will fall into place, that my life will somehow work itself out. But when I make all the right steps to move forward, the universe finds a way to damage any hope I had left of fulfilling my dreams. I haven’t posted anything on my blog since September, in the last four months I feel like the darkest parts of me have consumed me.
The reason i’m writing this is because I finally decided to look for a job, I wanted to work as a nurse, I wanted to give back. But since finding my love for writing I wanted to go to university to study English. With university not planning out the way I hoped it would, i’m left feeling confused, broken and drained. When will enough be enough? Everyone around me seems to achieve what they want so easily but for me it seems impossible. I’m scared to find a job in fear of being stuck in something I don’t want to do for the rest of my life, but that something is hard to achieve when you don’t know what you want to do other than to help others and share your own story.
I was searching the internet for a job, but I can’t seem to shake the thought in the back of my head, “You’re not enough.” I don’t know why I feel this way, because I know in my heart that I’m enough but it’s hard to truly believe that when everything tries to stop you from being happy.
I don’t write this for pity, but for anyone who feels the way I do. I hope in the upcoming months things will become clearer but for now I’m going to start to embrace these moments, rather than let them consume me.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best.