Dear Mom…

Mom, I haven’t spoke to you In a while, I’m scared to. I used to talk to your picture all the time, but now when I think about you I get scared, It’s nothing like I’ve ever known. I’m scared to live, to move forward with my life. I miss you so much.

I can’t shake this feeling of being scared, When I need you I can’t have you. What will I do when I have children? When I get married? or if something happens and I just need YOU.

Dad left, he promised he wouldn’t, but he’s happy now, but I have no one. My heart hurts for you more than ever. I took you for granted for so long and I’m sorry, I hope you can forgive me. I’m confused because it’s been two years since you passed away and It hurts more, I don’t want to be without you. I feel robbed of not having a mom and being able to know you properly. I was 18 and now I’m 20, I’ve changed so much mom, I hope you’re proud of me.

I’m scared to think about you, I avoid looking at pictures of you now, because I can’t fathom my life without you any longer. My memories are fading and It’s scaring me, I can’t remember your voice as much anymore. I’ve seen you in my dreams again, I hate waking up knowing my reality is that you’re not here and you’re never coming back.

Mom, I hope you’re happy and you’re not worried about us all too much. I wish I could go back to our last holiday together so I could grasp every moment once more.

I love you mom, more than anything.

This is something I wrote today, after seeing so many posts about moms on Facebook and people needing their mom, my heart ached. This is my grief story and the stage I’m at now, I’m scared for my future but I know I’ll be okay. This is a hard post for me to share because It’s so pure, unedited and written as I cried. I don’t want to share it because It’s so personal to how I feel, but if by chance this can help anyone grieving or feeling confused in their emotions and to be able to relate to this and feel comfort In knowing they’re not alone then it makes It worth opening up.

 

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

– 

Marilyn Monroe

6 thoughts on “Dear Mom…

  1. Thank you for sharing!!.. you are not alone, your Mom occupies a special place in your heart and you can visit and chat with her anytime you wish… 🙂

    Do not stand at my grave and weep
    I am not there, I do not sleep
    I am a thousand winds that blow
    I am the diamonds glints in the snow
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain
    I am the gentle autumn rain
    When you awaking in the morning hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight
    I am the soft star that shines at night
    Do not stand by my grave and cry
    I am not there, I did not die
    (Mary Frye)

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