Loneliness.

Loneliness, where do I begin? I have to admit that it often consumes me, for a while now especially.

I know it’s something a lot of us feel, ironically we’re not alone, but deep inside there’s that small part of you that can’t help but feel it. It’s sad because no one ever deserves to feel like they’re alone, but its something I know too many of us experience.

We don’t talk about loneliness like we should. So, here I am laying out my loneliness for you all to see.

I look for happiness in other people because I’m not happy, I’m actually pretty scared. For a long time, I’ve held tightly onto something, onto someone I know I shouldn’t. If I accept that they’re not who they were, or who I hoped they’d be then that means letting go of my past life completely and letting go of someone who was meant to be here for me no matter what.

You see the world seems soo much scarier now, I try to play it cool like I have everything in control, but I don’t. I’m okay with the idea of being alone, but it’s when I’m alone my thoughts run wild and I suddenly realise how different my life is.

With all that being said, being alone isn’t always a bad thing, you learn to delve deep and become your own best friend. So many nights I’ve spent wondering what my life will be or why it is what it is, and what my purpose is. Will I become the person I want? Will I be strong enough to push forward and succeed? It’s in those moments I truly learn who I am.

Since my mom passed away, I truly felt what It meant to be alone, I don’t just mean being sat in a room on my own, but in the way I feel. Some days will pass and I’ll feel nothing, and others I’ll feel everything at once. It’s nearly been three years and because of that I find it hard to talk about how I’m feeling, there’s never going to be a day where I wake up and don’t feel lonely without my mom being here, not right now anyway.

I have a way of hiding myself from pain and instead, mask it with the comfort of others. I know that being alone is something I should embrace more, even when it seems scary. From this point forward I’m going to embrace the inner me, and learn to love myself better. It’s time for me to truly learn who I am beneath everything.

Everyone’s journey is different, your journey is yours. If your feeling alone know it’s okay to feel alone sometimes.

It’s okay to be alone sometimes, explore the world within you and you will understand yourself better. Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself.

 

 

 

 

11 thoughts on “Loneliness.

  1. It’s cool to be alone, I love it. The key is making sure your not alone all the time because you don’t want to deal with others or your emotions. Hiding from others is natural for use, to hide our pain. Your going thru a lot of pain with your mother’s death and it will take a long time to grieve her. That pain can’t alwasy be shared, it’s a personal journey. It took me almost five years to truely grieve my beloved granny who raised me. She was my mother, I understand your loss. You are right, only we can bring ourself peace. Noone can give us that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i would say, you could be still in the grieving process with the feelings of loneliness. dont mix or miss read loneliness with solitude. by sharing your feelings and experience, you are helping others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My loneliness comes from many things not just the loss of my mother, but the loss of everything. I don’t have many people anymore and because of that, I’m lonely for many reasons, not just one. My family broke down and I was left with a lot on my shoulders rather than just grieving my mom. Whilst, my loneliness stems from losing my mom there are also many other aspects to it. Thank you it means a lot! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I imagine alone-ness needs to be a part of every life. And it should be. Alone, people learn how to enjoy the company of themselves. Sometimes things are worked through emotionally or practically while one is alone. And sometimes we come to grief from loss on our own. Yes, that can’t be all there is; otherwise, alone-ness becomes isolation. But let it be a part of life, being on one’s own, and our life actually is fuller.

    I think you most likely know all this, since it’s invoked by reading your words above.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alone time actually makes people stronger in my opinion. I too always felt like I needed other people to make me happy or a big event. I always thought my life had to be interesting everyday. But now I’ve learned to be content with myself and the boring days. I actually started a gratitude journal the beginning of this year. I write something every day I’m grateful for whether it’s big or small. Ex: having my morning tea.
    I used to get down on myself on what my purpose was and I’ve learned to be happy in the here and now instead of always wishing for more. Sometimes you have to learn to accept yourself and that’s when the real success comes.

    – B 🌿😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, I love that! It’s something I’m definitely going to consider doing, I’m out to buy a journal tomorrow so I’ll deffo keep part of my book for the things I’m grateful for. You’re completely right though, you have to earn to accept yourself. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.