Societies' representation of what we should look and be like is something I've felt I never fitted in with. I'm not like those girls you see in magazines or Instagram posts, I'm not someone who hides their creativity or mental health problems because society tells me to. The things that are considered ugly are the … Continue reading Imperfectly Beautiful.
I think if anyone were to ask me four years ago where I would be in terms of my mental health I would have said something along the lines of "probably dead." To most people that likely sounds unnerving and shocking but for me that was the truth. Four years ago I attempted suicide for … Continue reading Believing in yourself.
Since, most of us are in quarantine right now It leaves a lot of time to do some thinking, some of which I've been doing a lot of lately. Being so stuck in my head has left me feeling worthless, your head can sometimes be the worst place to be. Whilst, I've been pondering with … Continue reading Stuck In My Own Head…
She can't deny it, but the past few months have been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride, but without the fun and laughter, more like when you spin a coin around in a circle and towards the end it begins to spiral out of control. She's angry, angry that she doesn't seem to get a break, … Continue reading What she can’t deny.
She made plans to see her friend that afternoon, to look around at the german markets and get a coffee for their monthly catch up. Little did she know that would be the last time she would see her mom. She finally got to see her mom, who had just come home from the hospice … Continue reading The last memory.
I don't know what it is but I get in this dark place, It's a place where I don't want to say or do anything. No motivation to move or carry out normal day to day tasks. It seems strange for me as I'm normally a very motivated person, but this time It's different. Job … Continue reading A fresh start?
Mom, I haven't spoke to you In a while, I'm scared to. I used to talk to your picture all the time, but now when I think about you I get scared, It's nothing like I've ever known. I'm scared to live, to move forward with my life. I miss you so much. I can't … Continue reading Dear Mom…
Do you ever let your pain bleed out and cover the scars that you let determine your worth Do you ever look at the numbers on the scale and let them tell you if you're worthy of love Do you ever feel embarrassed in your own skin And pretend to be someone you're not because … Continue reading Do you ever?
In a world that appears to be so perfect, It can be hard to fit in. During 2012 this reality sunk in, societal norms took over and these normalities left me feeling imperfect. I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a debilitating disorder that consumed me entirely. It's scary to see how much hatred someone … Continue reading In a world that appears to be so perfect
Firstly, I just wanted to start my post off by saying thank you to everyone for the support on my recent posts, It truly does mean a lot. This is a different post for me, but I felt the need to express the week I've had. The beginning of my week was filled with lots … Continue reading Weekly Update.
The most unexpected moments, going about your everyday life can lead to the most sudden and heart wrenching times. Today I was searching for my National Insurance Number, My mom used to keep separate polly pockets for me and my brother to keep all our important stuff in. However, with my National Insurance Number not … Continue reading Memories.
I've been holding onto hope that everything will fall into place, that my life will somehow work itself out. But when I make all the right steps to move forward, the universe finds a way to damage any hope I had left of fulfilling my dreams. I haven't posted anything on my blog since September, … Continue reading Never Enough
I don't often write my posts back to back but today i felt the need to write something. World suicide prevention day is today and as some of you may know i hold this subject very close to my heart. I've watched my family look to suicide for help and i too have done the … Continue reading World suicide prevention day.
For a long time before my moms passing i made myself familiar with the stages of grief, i used it to prepare myself for what was going to happen. Since my mothers death exactly one year and ten months ago i've been struck with unimaginable amounts of emotions. I've learned the true feelings of anger, … Continue reading Fear of the unknown.
I look to you for advice but you tear me down, you push through the walls i built trying to stop you from punishing me. I work so hard to stop you from influencing how i feel, but you always find a way to break me down. You entice me into thinking you've changed but … Continue reading My only enemy.
It was just a normal day, travelling back home from school on the route i always took, until everything took an unexpected turn and my life changed forever. I wanted to believe something else other than the truth, i wanted to believe it was a mistake or i was over thinking everything like i often … Continue reading #MeToo…My Sexual Assault Story.
I've always been open about my life, my struggles and where i am now but theres's one thing i've always found hard to talk about. I was 13 years old the first time i came to face you, i sat on the bathroom floor; tears rolling down my face dropping into a puddle before me, … Continue reading Suicide.
I was nominated by Eilidh Horder Thank you so much for this nomination, i'm truly grateful! This is a challenge inspired by a Vogue magazine series which interviews celebrities and other public figures. The questions are designed to let people know a bit more about your likes and lifestyle. So i thought this was a … Continue reading VOGUE PARAODY: 73 Questions About Me
It's strange to me how one day you can wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and see something you never did before. I was so young and naive of the world around me, i never really understood how i felt or why i felt the way i did, all i knew was i … Continue reading My fight with myself.
Some months i feel like i'm on cloud nine, i push reality to the back of my mind until months like this happen. I crash. The truth is i want to say i'm getting better, i'm healing but i know deep down i'm lying to myself. You can't click your fingers and say you're fine … Continue reading Drowning in sorrow
You engulfed me this month, captured me and held me hostage. Im just another piece in your game, where will you put me next? why is it you choose to trap me at my happiest? you push me right back to the start when the finish line is just in my reach. I pushed myself … Continue reading An unexpected friendship.
Hi me, it's me from the future... we're still here. You're probably obsessing over how you look right now, I know its hard but you'll make it... you'll still struggle, even the future you still struggles but it gets better and guess what? Losing weight and putting on makeup isn't going to solve your problems, … Continue reading A message to me
Cancer, a word i never thought would enter my life, but it did. The word cancer holds so much pain and hatred for me, but through all the pain cancer has caused it also holds a deeper meaning. A meaning that goes beyond anything i ever imagined it to. From a young age i heard … Continue reading Cancer
Truthfully, i've never loved or accepted who i was. For me, social media took over and i'd compare myself to unrealistically beautiful women. I'd obsess and compare the way they looked and how their lives appeared to be more worthy than my own, i would feel like i was never good enough or pretty enough. … Continue reading Loving yourself.
We all see you but we all deal with you differently. Some can face you without hesitation, but others fear confronting you. Those who fear you give their lives away to you but you take advantage of them. When facing you, there's no telling how you'll make one feel, will you take away the day? … Continue reading Reflection.
Depression is something so unique yet so painful, you never know when it's going to hit you at full force. You could be laughing and smiling one minute, but the next you feel this overwhelming sense of emptiness take over. I never thought i'd become someone who wanted to end it all, just call … Continue reading Lets talk depression…
Hello "friend", I'm writing this to let you know that our friendship will be no longer, years of putting one foot in front of the other to allow you to choose how my day will go. I am finally going to leave you, on the bathroom floor... alone. I may miss you (not really). This … Continue reading Goodbye my “friend”
The truth behind recovery and becoming a better you, is theres always going to be times you loose yourself. You loose yourself at the most inconvenient times, when everything's going great but then it's not. For a while i'd lost myself, my motivation and who i was. I'd sit in bed all day emotionless, with … Continue reading One step back, two forward.
I promised myself i would stay strong and never go down the path i once did, but what if all of this is gods plan? I try to pull myself away from the darkness but when can i truly say enough is enough? Days i spend keeping myself occupied to blur the truth, but nights … Continue reading Hope.
I hide myself in the only place i know will take the pain away, shut the door and lock them out. It is then i realise how much i yearn for ones company and friendship but the outside world has become strange and unfamiliar to me. "go out" they say but how? when i feel … Continue reading The candle light.